I sat on one of those long-legged stools you usually see in every club, red shiny and pretentious. I hated them for two reasons; it was difficult for short people to climb on it, and once you were seated you could do nothing to shift the chair because your legs couldn’t reach the floor. So you either asked someone to do it for you, or awkwardly shifted your butt hoping that it would shift the stool too, but alas, Physics always failed you.
The club was like any other club. Loud, crowded and dimly-lit. The television kept switching between a football and cricket match. The traffic was a drag outside, but the music drowned all the honking from the streets. Tipsy people were drinking away mid-week blues in their respective booths.
‘So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover’ the speakers boomed and everyone lost their shit and started singing along.
It was clearly a tone-deaf bunch of people. It was endearing though, they didn’t seem to mind that they were all off-beat, they were just living in the moment.
I was alone tonight. Dressed up in my little black dress, I had even watched Youtube tutorials and put on some make up. It was quite futile, in retrospect. Nobody seemed to notice. It wasn’t that I didn’t have friends, or I was heartbroken or my boss was giving me a tough time. It was a voluntary decision to come out alone. Even though I never admitted it, it was subconsciously because of a Bollywood movie I had recently watched. The movie showed the protagonist get out of her safe bubble and go on her own honeymoon alone, after her fiancé broke off the marriage. She went to a foreign land all alone, devastated, yet came out of it having found herself along the journey. She met a bunch of strangers who became her friends, and helped her broaden her view of the world and her own life. So I waited for something like that to happen to me too. I waited in anticipation of a leggy lass who would instantly become my girlfriend, and would save me from myself, or a trio of guys who would become my best buddies and take me for rock concerts. I sat with my cocktail and waited for someone to come along and whisk me away from my monotonous life. But nobody came.
While I was waiting, my daydreaming eyes found the ceiling lights. They were really tiny and dim, and nobody really noticed them. But they made the place look so pretty.
“Yesss, shiny”, I said aloud.
“Sorry ma’am?” the bartender intervened.
“Screwdriver. I need another Screwdriver.” I quickly tried to cover up.
Whilst sipping on my cocktail, I watched a group of friends who were dancing the night away like nobody is watching. Nobody was, except me. I wish I had the confidence to pull off those flawed dance moves with such tenacity.
I watched the middle aged couple enjoying their drink in a corner of the bar. They had probably taken a night off from taking care of their children for going on a date. There was zest and longing in their tired eyes. You could see that time had changed a lot, but the butterflies were still there.
I saw a gang of giggling girls who were too young to be drinking at the club. Nevertheless, too excited to be doing so. They had their phones ready to capture every moment and record it for future giggles. The novelty etched on their faces reminded me of my teenage years.
With the fourth cocktail down, I started getting impatient. Here I was, hoping to meet a fascinating stranger, when no one had even bothered to make eye contact with me. However, there was one guy who had observed me more than I had observed anyone else here. He didn’t suggest a refill even though his job demanded it. He just casually struck up a conversation.
“Where are you from?”
“Just around the block.”
“Are you waiting for someone?”
“Yup” (It wasn’t entirely a lie.)
“The stars outside look better than these lights, you know.”
I looked at him quizzically, suspiciously, then warily.
“I look pathetic, don’t I? Sitting alone, staring at the shiny ceiling lights?”
“No you don’t. You look much better than the people here holding pretence.”
I nodded in faint approval. He then left to tend to another customer, or maybe to give some more life advice.
I didn’t think anyone was pretending here. They were all here just to have a good time. Like I was running away from myself hoping that someone would take me under their wings and teach me to fly, they were running too. They were running away from reality, just for a little while. Because they deserved it, they deserved to run away from their jobs, or homes, or whatever it was that was bothering them, and be happy, even if it was momentary.
Because life wasn’t all peaches, sometimes it was lemons. And sometimes you need Vodka to go with those lemons.
I stepped down from the stool and almost tumbled. It had to happen, but this time I could blame the alcohol.
The bartender was right about one thing though. It was indeed much prettier outside, and the stars beat those domestic lights, hands-down.
In that moment, I felt like I belong there. In the big world outside, underneath the stars, alone. I wasn’t waiting anymore for someone to come save me like in that movie. I was merely happy that I belonged somewhere.
Sure I was stuck, but I wasn’t lost yet. I belonged.
The club was like any other club. Loud, crowded and dimly-lit. The television kept switching between a football and cricket match. The traffic was a drag outside, but the music drowned all the honking from the streets. Tipsy people were drinking away mid-week blues in their respective booths.
‘So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover’ the speakers boomed and everyone lost their shit and started singing along.
It was clearly a tone-deaf bunch of people. It was endearing though, they didn’t seem to mind that they were all off-beat, they were just living in the moment.
I was alone tonight. Dressed up in my little black dress, I had even watched Youtube tutorials and put on some make up. It was quite futile, in retrospect. Nobody seemed to notice. It wasn’t that I didn’t have friends, or I was heartbroken or my boss was giving me a tough time. It was a voluntary decision to come out alone. Even though I never admitted it, it was subconsciously because of a Bollywood movie I had recently watched. The movie showed the protagonist get out of her safe bubble and go on her own honeymoon alone, after her fiancé broke off the marriage. She went to a foreign land all alone, devastated, yet came out of it having found herself along the journey. She met a bunch of strangers who became her friends, and helped her broaden her view of the world and her own life. So I waited for something like that to happen to me too. I waited in anticipation of a leggy lass who would instantly become my girlfriend, and would save me from myself, or a trio of guys who would become my best buddies and take me for rock concerts. I sat with my cocktail and waited for someone to come along and whisk me away from my monotonous life. But nobody came.
While I was waiting, my daydreaming eyes found the ceiling lights. They were really tiny and dim, and nobody really noticed them. But they made the place look so pretty.
“Yesss, shiny”, I said aloud.
“Sorry ma’am?” the bartender intervened.
“Screwdriver. I need another Screwdriver.” I quickly tried to cover up.
Whilst sipping on my cocktail, I watched a group of friends who were dancing the night away like nobody is watching. Nobody was, except me. I wish I had the confidence to pull off those flawed dance moves with such tenacity.
I watched the middle aged couple enjoying their drink in a corner of the bar. They had probably taken a night off from taking care of their children for going on a date. There was zest and longing in their tired eyes. You could see that time had changed a lot, but the butterflies were still there.
I saw a gang of giggling girls who were too young to be drinking at the club. Nevertheless, too excited to be doing so. They had their phones ready to capture every moment and record it for future giggles. The novelty etched on their faces reminded me of my teenage years.
With the fourth cocktail down, I started getting impatient. Here I was, hoping to meet a fascinating stranger, when no one had even bothered to make eye contact with me. However, there was one guy who had observed me more than I had observed anyone else here. He didn’t suggest a refill even though his job demanded it. He just casually struck up a conversation.
“Where are you from?”
“Just around the block.”
“Are you waiting for someone?”
“Yup” (It wasn’t entirely a lie.)
“The stars outside look better than these lights, you know.”
I looked at him quizzically, suspiciously, then warily.
“I look pathetic, don’t I? Sitting alone, staring at the shiny ceiling lights?”
“No you don’t. You look much better than the people here holding pretence.”
I nodded in faint approval. He then left to tend to another customer, or maybe to give some more life advice.
I didn’t think anyone was pretending here. They were all here just to have a good time. Like I was running away from myself hoping that someone would take me under their wings and teach me to fly, they were running too. They were running away from reality, just for a little while. Because they deserved it, they deserved to run away from their jobs, or homes, or whatever it was that was bothering them, and be happy, even if it was momentary.
Because life wasn’t all peaches, sometimes it was lemons. And sometimes you need Vodka to go with those lemons.
I stepped down from the stool and almost tumbled. It had to happen, but this time I could blame the alcohol.
The bartender was right about one thing though. It was indeed much prettier outside, and the stars beat those domestic lights, hands-down.
In that moment, I felt like I belong there. In the big world outside, underneath the stars, alone. I wasn’t waiting anymore for someone to come save me like in that movie. I was merely happy that I belonged somewhere.
Sure I was stuck, but I wasn’t lost yet. I belonged.
